it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
