She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
