I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Still dying that you shit outside
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
