Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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