Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
