I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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