Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You are a genius and a whore.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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