You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
