I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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