dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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