OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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