They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize