If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
