i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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