i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
