Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
