no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
