Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
