Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
