My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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