the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The adults are the big ones right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize