i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
