I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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