I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I faked an abortion last night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
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ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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