So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is my gift to your gina
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
