Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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