...so i touched it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
