I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
