I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
