I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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