my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
