Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
