My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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