The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
