Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
