I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
