i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
