So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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