My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want her autograph on my taint
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
