I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911