I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?