Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
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woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it