I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
