You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
