The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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