Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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