I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
