my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
