he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Holy sore nipples Batman
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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