ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
