I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
