I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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