you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
