Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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