I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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