small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
