My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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