I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
