I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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