I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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