I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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