Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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