he thought i was a dude.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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