when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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